i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
