im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
