I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
