Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
