He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
