just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
