yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
