i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
