I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
