If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
