It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize