just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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