I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
