Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
