I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
