she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
