since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
