I just saw a hot homeless man
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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