just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
