If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
