And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
