i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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