Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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