I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize