by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
