my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
