Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
