I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
