If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my being single is dangerous.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
