yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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