I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize