i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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