No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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