walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
