I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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