i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
