Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
