Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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