every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
