this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
