Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
