It's Friday. Sex?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
