He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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