clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
