What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
