dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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