I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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