what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
