i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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