1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize