Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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