I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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