hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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