Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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