i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
