Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
