Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
