she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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