Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize