who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
