So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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