I can text with my tongue
Someone shit on the floor
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
