What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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