When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
