You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
