Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
