Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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