I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
