I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
