Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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