How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
