We're facebook friends in real life
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
