Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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