No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize