just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What a dumb baby whore.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
